Dealing with Disappointment in High School Admissions

Each year middle school students around the country apply to independent high schools where they compete for admission, similar to the college admissions process you might remember. The application process can be nerve-wracking and, while our students receive the news they were hoping for more often than not, their competition for limited spaces is other top-tier students, so there are bound to be some disappointments.

To help 8^th Grade students build their skills at managing their emotions and being a supportive presence for their peers, Foothill Country Day School's Upper School Director Shane Guilbert-Neal and 8^th Grade Dean Mayra Diaz offer practical advice and encouragement to their students. They remind students to:

1. Share results with your teachers. We care about you and want to celebrate the wins. We will be there to support you if there’s disappointing news.

2. Understand your self-worth. We’ve seen many examples where students don’t get into a school where we know that students would have excelled. Admission officers at high schools readily admit that many of the students they reject can succeed at their institutions. Unfortunately, it is often a matter of too much demand for too few places.

3. Practice cautious excitement. This shows maturity and social skills. It shows you recognize that others might be in the process of receiving tough news.

4. Provide support to classmates. Provide a listening ear. Honor their feelings.

5. Openly express disappointment. If you’ve received a rejection, sharing the news can make you feel like you failed. Sometimes, it helps to vocalize this and lean into your disappointment.

6. Remember to avoid regretful behaviors. Sometimes we see students have a hard time reconciling why a peer got into a school and they did not. In these moments, kids say things like, “I can’t believe Riley got in and you didn’t!” Your intent might be to express that you feel like your friend is just as good as Riley, but to others, it sounds like you feel your friend is better than Riley. This is hurtful and you have to remember that everyone has unique strengths and growth areas.

Showing resilience through disappointment and being gracious in the thralls of good news are just two of the many admirable character traits our students develop throughout their Foothill experience. We are proud of them for the growth and development they demonstrate over the course of their time here, and for the foundation in academics and character they carry with them into high school and the rest of their lives.